I took this picture about a month ago and thought it was a perfect expression of my current state of mind....unsure but hopeful. I may be MIA for a little bit. Got a bit on my plate right now. And it comes at a time when, for some reason since summertime, I've been thinking more and more about Breast Cancer (should that be capitalized?). I've come into contact with many friends and family who have dealt with it in some way.
My aunt died recently from breast cancer. She was a strong, beautiful woman who devoted her life to caring for those she loved. She was the second mother to her sister who was born with Downs Syndrome and cared for my younger aunt as a mother would...when my Grandmother passed. I don't know much about her, but what I do know is that she was very loved and she had so much of my Grandmother in her. It was like a part of Grandma still lived on strongly in her.
So what am I trying to say....hmmmm...I think I just want to say...as flawed as our healthcare system is....it still is better than most. My aunt lived in the Philippines where there really aren't things like health insurance...you're lucky to have a job. And if you don't have the money...well then you don't have any healthcare, honey. They can and will turn you away if you can't pay whether or not you are dying. This is not what happened to my Aunt, but I know that they could have detected her breast cancer earlier, had she had something like a mammogram at one point in life BEFORE the cancer was diagnosed at stage 4 and took her life not long after. She would have learned about self breast exams. She endured chemotherapy and suffering and finally died worried about her baby sister and who would be left to care for her. Luckily she also raised a good and equally devoted daughter who is now caring for my youngest Aunt.
Wow, this is a long babbling post....a lot of this is introspection....an inner voice. I'm so very thankful for all I have. And I've said it before, I live in fear that things may get taken away...and here is the point of my post. I found a lump in my breast the other day. I felt some tenderness in one breast but really didn't make the connection until Saturday when I had time alone while the kids visited their grandparents. So I checked for a lump....and found one. It wasn't easy but I now something felt different in that one side had more flesh in it than normal...cuz I don't have much left after breastfeedfing for 14 months...heh heh. Since I've made it point since last summer to do a monthly breast exam, I became familiar with the feel and consistency of my breast tissue. So I looked harder and found something. I'm 33. I wasn't banking on worrying about this for another 7 years!
I've learned in the last year that keeping things quiet is not necessarily the best thing to do. I mean, when you're blessed with friends and family, you should reach out. So, I'd like for you guys to say a little prayer for me and my family and hope that this all works out okay and to pray for me to continue to stay strong and try not to worry. If you don't pray, I would also accept some good luck and mojo wafted my way! If you have words of encouragement...would love to hear those too. I just need help to stay positive because I can't sleep because of all the darn worrying! So bright and early Monday morning, I am off to the Walk-In clinic for a visit. Of course, my Mom says she's coming...and Hubbs will stay home with the kiddies. This may be a long process, I'm sure. Sigh.
And to maybe pick up the mood here in the blog....I've loaded a song to laugh at!
I love Black Eyed Peas...and I love Fergie!!!!! (Note for those of you who aren't familiar with the song, it's got a couple words...like a** and maybe the S word...so don't listen if it may offend....just wanted to be sure to warn you.)
Oh....."my lovely lady lumps"...."in the back and in the FRONT"...."no no drama...no no no no drama"!And so as not to leave you with too much melancholy (sorry!)....here's some cute family pictures!
We celebrated Gabe's 3rd Birthday at Chuck E Cheese the weekend before Thanksgiving. He HAD A BLAST! I mean, the kid was loving being in control. He had a cup full of tokens and walked to whatever ride he wanted to go on and popped his coin in and on it went! The look on his face was absolutely priceless!
I love the tongue sticking out!
And this is my absolute fave photo of the day! Hubby took it actually!
And here's my little girl...so sweet and helpful! She had a wonderful time as well!
Gabe REFUSED to wear the crown...so I did...for a little bit! There's my little Cousin "Dimples" in the orange! He's so cute!
And here's our attempt at a family photo with Mr. Cheese....ha ha!
Well, thanks everyone for visiting me today! If anything, I've been able to vent which helps take my mind off of things! Sorry if I'll be MIA...not yet sure if I will be...maybe blogging will keep me occupied, I don't know. So either you won't hear from me or you WILL....like really babbling kinda me all over this blog! I am apologizing in advance!