Saturday, October 3, 2009

Alone.....

I've been waiting for the first challenge at Scrap That Poetry ALL WEEK! I loved how my page turned out.

The inspiration poem is "If" by Rudyard Kipling. See the entire poem HERE.

As I read the poem, I was reminded of some not-so-great years in college. Most people might look back and enjoy this time. I didn't.

Not all of it was bad...but let's just say, women can be mean and I discovered some enemies I never knew I had.

I will never understand why a person can decide NOT to like someone "just because" but that happened to me. And it happened several times.




Here's the part of the poem I used in my journaling:

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you; But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting; Or, being lied about, don't deal in the lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;


No matter what I did, I felt it would backfire....and things did. If I looked nice, I was talked about. If I dressed down there were whispers. If I talked to a guy friend, I was accused of flirting with someones man. In the end I just gave up and walked away. But I can't say I was the bigger person, because when you hurt...sometimes you hurt back.

So that's the reason for the title. I felt very alone during this time in my life. I gradually changed the people I hung around with and slowly I started to enjoy myself. But in the process I tried to do the right thing, but didn't always succeed. Hate is such a self-destructive thing....and I think it even lead to some self-hate. But I worked through it and realize I wouldn't be the person I am today with all the hurt and pain and the mistakes I made then.

My feelings transferred onto the layout as I created. The hurt, patched by lots of prettiness. I added bling with the torn edges and everything held together with stitching....to create a facade: underneath the pretty papers I layered some Walnut ink over some Kraft card stock to give it a dark feel. I projected strength but inside I was torn and wounded. I masked the hurt with bitterness. I didn't like the person I became. And I was lost for awhile. Other things in my life were leaving scars. Scars of unworthy people I let into my life and bad decisions I had made. I was lost for a long long time.

Here you can see the torn edges and stitching. I love how imperfect this page is. I love the upturned and ripped edges.

Lots of dark colors are blended with red...fire...anger. Parts of the real me are sprinkled throughout the layout...the turquoise, the bling.
But if you look closely, it's not really me.







Here's the title. See the crystals? Think salt on wounds.
Hurt.

Pain.

Screams.

Loss.

ALONE.


And there's my fiery red flower. All by it's lonesome. The key locking away the pain.

The scraps are crumpled and distressed as well.

I love all the texture in this layout. The rips and tears.

Luckily, I climbed up out of that hole I was in. I found myself again. And the sun was shinging. And I was happy. I found Faith again. And I loved myself again. Really loved myself. And I found love too. By then it was 2001 and my life was about to change big time. I was ready for what life had in store for me.

For this layout, I used the September Kit - Gypsy from Simply Obsessed. I loved all the Bo Bunny papers together. The colors are so spicy...and passionate.

This is absolutely my most expressive layout. It's become my favorite one too. Weird huh? It evokes all these feelings and parts of me from a time I don't like to remember...but I love it because of the honesty in it.

THANKS SCRAP THAT POETRY! This was an amazing poem and I can't wait to see the other submissions! Thanks everyone for reading my deep dark secrets! He he!

For a supply listing CLICK HERE.

Have you tried scrapping to poetry? Do you like it?

****I've got some fun in the works....he he. Want a hint? Check out the vote box above! That's right! Cast your vote for the Man of the Week of October 19th! The poll is in the sidebar*****

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I will be busy working till Tuesday afternoon so I will blog visit ya'll Wednesday!!!!

Hugs,

Mo

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