Saturday, October 3, 2009

Alone.....

I've been waiting for the first challenge at Scrap That Poetry ALL WEEK! I loved how my page turned out.

The inspiration poem is "If" by Rudyard Kipling. See the entire poem HERE.

As I read the poem, I was reminded of some not-so-great years in college. Most people might look back and enjoy this time. I didn't.

Not all of it was bad...but let's just say, women can be mean and I discovered some enemies I never knew I had.

I will never understand why a person can decide NOT to like someone "just because" but that happened to me. And it happened several times.




Here's the part of the poem I used in my journaling:

If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you; But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting; Or, being lied about, don't deal in the lies, Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;


No matter what I did, I felt it would backfire....and things did. If I looked nice, I was talked about. If I dressed down there were whispers. If I talked to a guy friend, I was accused of flirting with someones man. In the end I just gave up and walked away. But I can't say I was the bigger person, because when you hurt...sometimes you hurt back.

So that's the reason for the title. I felt very alone during this time in my life. I gradually changed the people I hung around with and slowly I started to enjoy myself. But in the process I tried to do the right thing, but didn't always succeed. Hate is such a self-destructive thing....and I think it even lead to some self-hate. But I worked through it and realize I wouldn't be the person I am today with all the hurt and pain and the mistakes I made then.

My feelings transferred onto the layout as I created. The hurt, patched by lots of prettiness. I added bling with the torn edges and everything held together with stitching....to create a facade: underneath the pretty papers I layered some Walnut ink over some Kraft card stock to give it a dark feel. I projected strength but inside I was torn and wounded. I masked the hurt with bitterness. I didn't like the person I became. And I was lost for awhile. Other things in my life were leaving scars. Scars of unworthy people I let into my life and bad decisions I had made. I was lost for a long long time.

Here you can see the torn edges and stitching. I love how imperfect this page is. I love the upturned and ripped edges.

Lots of dark colors are blended with red...fire...anger. Parts of the real me are sprinkled throughout the layout...the turquoise, the bling.
But if you look closely, it's not really me.







Here's the title. See the crystals? Think salt on wounds.
Hurt.

Pain.

Screams.

Loss.

ALONE.


And there's my fiery red flower. All by it's lonesome. The key locking away the pain.

The scraps are crumpled and distressed as well.

I love all the texture in this layout. The rips and tears.

Luckily, I climbed up out of that hole I was in. I found myself again. And the sun was shinging. And I was happy. I found Faith again. And I loved myself again. Really loved myself. And I found love too. By then it was 2001 and my life was about to change big time. I was ready for what life had in store for me.

For this layout, I used the September Kit - Gypsy from Simply Obsessed. I loved all the Bo Bunny papers together. The colors are so spicy...and passionate.

This is absolutely my most expressive layout. It's become my favorite one too. Weird huh? It evokes all these feelings and parts of me from a time I don't like to remember...but I love it because of the honesty in it.

THANKS SCRAP THAT POETRY! This was an amazing poem and I can't wait to see the other submissions! Thanks everyone for reading my deep dark secrets! He he!

For a supply listing CLICK HERE.

Have you tried scrapping to poetry? Do you like it?

****I've got some fun in the works....he he. Want a hint? Check out the vote box above! That's right! Cast your vote for the Man of the Week of October 19th! The poll is in the sidebar*****

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! I will be busy working till Tuesday afternoon so I will blog visit ya'll Wednesday!!!!

Hugs,

Mo

21 comments:

  1. HOLY SMOKES Mo....this is AMAZING!!!!!!!!! I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the title, the journaling, the colors and layers....and that photo is perfect for this theme!!! WOWWWWW!!!!! LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE it!!!!! And just a little PS.....a certain bracelet has found its way to my blog! hehehehehehehehe :):):):):):):):):):):):):):):)

    ReplyDelete
  2. OMG MO!! This is by far my favorite of yours too!! I love everything about it, from the actual layout with the red symbolizing the anger to the whole story behind it. Sometimes it just feels so good to get your feeling out on paper! Thank you so much for sharing this page. I about cried reading through your post. ANd PLEASE do more layouts like this... I mean, not about pain necessarily but you really did it up on the artistic side of it and it's absolutely gorgeous. Just like you....inside and out! Love you and love this layout. Love, Jess
    Oh, btw thanks for playing over at STP...I about forgot about that since I was so moved by the lo:)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This is my new favorite Mo layout for sure! I've felt this way a lot of times. I love how well thought out every aspect of the layout was created. Love the "salt" on the wound! Thanks for sharing this painful time in your life, it's sure to reach people in the same situation!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mo, my sweet, sweet Mo! Thank you so much for sharing this...i LOVED your description of every element, and the complete story behind it. i'm sure this was very cathartic for you...i know this work of art should provide you pleasure, after all that pain. you are so sweet, funny, bubbly, and talented...hard to imagine these things happening to someone like you, but it does i know. people are awful, sometimes. life is painful. but it is sometimes these things that shape us more than the good in our life, ya know? and look at you now...your life is a success, you are happy and have a wonderful family! i believe in karma.

    you really took the poem and RAN with it!! seriously, this is such an outpouring of your soul onto the paper, so intense and personal, and it is perfect. soo muc thought put into every single element, and it's just amazing!! you are amazing!!! i love you, girl!

    so, yeah, thanks for playing with us over at STP...PLEASE continue to play with us...i love seeing you around ;) ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. wow, sweetie! that is one awesome layout, journaling and story behind it. You are so wonderful and beautiful ...inside and out. You write so vividly, you just simply amaze me.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is AMAZING. gorgeous flowers colors design, Love it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are by far my fave blog read! You have so much emotion and expression and ability to make the words come alive. I love that you can take a memory and translate it so precisely into paper. This is the most amazing and beautiful and (don't take this the wrong way) sad and awe-inspiring layout I've ever seen. You are truly an amazing artist!

    ReplyDelete
  8. WOW... You did exactly what I was hoping when creating this blog... you really made it fit your life, you used symbolism! Amazing! I am so glad that you found us! It is a gorgeous layout, the layers are amazing! Thanks for playing at STP!

    ReplyDelete
  9. your LO is just stunning! the colors and layers are just incredible! way to go!!!

    your blog is surely inspiring and i cannot wait to see some more of your work.

    have a wonderful weekend and thanks for playing with scrap that poetry!

    sarabeth

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is an amazing LO...and a fantastic story to go along with it!! You put a lot of feeling into it and it shows!!! Thanks for playing along with us on STP and for sharing your story!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Lovely layout, I love the color palette and all of the detail. Great job with the challenge! Thanks for playing along at STP.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Mo... I am utterly speechless. The layout itself is pure beauty. But the symbolism and layers of meaning are what makes this so totally amazing. You are a beautiful soul. Thank you so much for participating in the first STP challenge- you totally rocked it. Just one more reason why I admire you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. hahah I LOVE INHALING ...
    CHICKEN!! HAHAHAHA

    ReplyDelete
  14. It's evident you poured so much of YOU into this layout. Love your honesty and transparency in this. This is truly a work of art!

    Made me sad to read about those meanies in college. Why are girls so mean?!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. hey girl!!! that layout is rockn'. the journaling, the picture, the colors, the poem.... it's all so great! :)

    hope you are doing well! have a great week!

    hugs,
    sarah.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Everything about this is gorgeous- I love all the thought and sybolism you used, you really should come check out SFTIO. This is you on a whole new level, best one so far, my fave.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh my goodness! This is such an amazing layout! I love how you shared everything about the design with us and I thank you for being so very real and transparent with us. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  18. congratulations!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. This LO is so beautiful! Congratulations! :)))

    ReplyDelete
  20. CONGRATULATIONS. Amazing LO and Journaling.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks so much for visiting and commenting!!! You've brightened my day!

BLOGWEAR